I first was gifted with the revelation of this text back in the late 80’s, when a member of the Wymyn’s Caucus showed it to me, as if it were a joke. She gave herself points for self-criticism, but I thought it was literally true.

The original is about women and males. I have taken the liberty –white male privilege and all– of changing that word to “victim”. The group or person involved can be connected to any Officially Designated Victim group, such as non-whites, females, poor, foreign, disabled, fat, gay, trans, young, Muslim, old, unattractive, etc.

Just so you know how to proceed correctly, whether you are an Oppressor or a Victim:


The Victim always makes THE RULES.

THE RULES are subject to change without notice.

No Oppressor can possibly know all THE RULES.

If the Victim suspects the Oppressor knows all THE RULES,
they must immediately
change some of THE RULES.

The Victim is never wrong.

If it appears the Victim is wrong, it is because of a flagrant
misunderstanding caused by something the Oppressor did or said wrong.

If the previous Rule applies, the Oppressor must apologize immediately
for causing the misunderstanding.

The Victim can change their mind at any time.

The Oppressor must never change his mind
without the express written consent of The

The Victim has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

The Oppressor must remain calm at all times, unless the Victim wants him to be angry or upset.

The Victim must, under no circumstances, let the Oppressor know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

The Oppressor is expected to read the mind of the Victim at all times, while affirming that he can never do so, being an Oppressor.

At all times, what is important is what the Victim meant, not what she said.

If the Oppressor doesn’t abide by THE RULES, it is because he can’t take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a fragile wimp or a privileged lackey.

Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.



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